A Sponsor Should Be Honest and Trustworthy It should be comfortable to share anything with this person, even things that a sponsee might not feel comfortable sharing at a meeting. The sponsor should give truthful feedback, even when the truth is uncomfortable or even painful. Some are not. If someone says they do not have time to take on a sponsee, it is important to respectfully accept their decision. A Sponsor Validates Your Feelings When a person is using alcohol or any other drug, they are likely to be cut off from their feelings.
Without substances to fall back on as a coping skill, those emotions can often become overwhelming to a newly sober person. A sponsor should remind their sponsee that there are no wrong feelings and that it is understandable that they will experience a wide range of emotions, sometimes simultaneously.
It is only when we react to our emotions in non-productive ways that we create problems for ourselves and a sponsor should reinforce this idea. A Sponsor Sets Clear Boundaries and Expectations A sponsor is not a therapist and cannot offer the same support as a therapist would.
Neither is wrong. A sponsee needs to know what their sponsor will be able to offer them and what is expected in return. Other times, the sponsor and sponsee work well together for a time, but the availability of the sponsor or the needs of the sponsee change.
This is normal and can be a sign of healthy growth by one or both parties. Both the sponsor and the sponsee must accept the decision of the other party, if they decide it is time for the relationship to end. A sponsor is not the only one who has certain expectations to meet. I can not give you growth, or grow for you. You must grow for yourself by facing reality, grim as it may be at times.
I can not take away your loneliness or your pain. I can not sense your world for you, evaluate your goals for you or tell you what is best for your world; because you have your own world in which you must live. I can not convince you of the necessity to make the vital decision of choosing the frightening uncertainty of growing over the safe misery of remaining static.
I want to be with you and know you as a rich and growing friend; yet I can not get close to you when you choose not to grow. When I begin to care for you out of pity or when I begin to lose faith in you, then I am inhibiting both for you and for me.
You must know and understand my help is conditional. I will be with you and "hang in there" with you so long as I continue to get even the slightest hint that you are still trying to grow. If you can accept this, then perhaps we can help each other to become what God meant us to be, mature adults, leaving childishness forever to the little children of the world.
While there are no set rules for sponsorship, both A. Basic Text. Sponsorship responsibilities are welcomed by us and accepted as opportunities to enrich our personal N. We spent years taking from others in every conceivable way. Words cannot describe the sense of spiritual awareness that we receive when we have given something, no matter how small, to another person. Perhaps their words strike a chord within you.
Perhaps you find yourself amazed at the seemingly endless fountain of wisdom they always seem to share. Perhaps you see how they move through the rooms with a serenity, a gentleness of spirit, that seems impossible.
Then, all you need to do is ask. If they politely decline, ask them to suggest a peer they trust as a potential sponsor. The most important thing to do is to open your mouth and ask for help. But is it the right sponsor? Not every sponsor-sponsee relationship works out. By the same token, be careful not to fall into a pattern of continually changing sponsors; if you seem unable to find the right sponsor no matter how many people you attempt such a relationship with, then perhaps the problem lies with you.
Certainly, there are as many different styles of sponsorship as there are personalities in the fellowship.
Some sponsors are gruff drill instructors, and we may find we need that kind of discipline and accountability, especially early in our recovery. Others may take a reflective or contemplative approach that leads us down the path of knowledge to answers that were always there. Others may channel Mr. Remember: Recovery is a swimming pool.
Whether you dive in headfirst or ease your way in, the most important thing you can do is get in the water. The early days of A. Back in New York, Hazard joined the Oxford Group, an organization that subscribed to six tenets of understanding as a way of moral evolution: Men are sinners.
Men can be changed. Confession is a prerequisite to change. The changed soul has direct access to God. The age of miracles has returned. Those who have been changed must change others. From that point forward, Wilson never drank again. Actually, he may be helping you more than you are helping him. The only condition is that he trust God and clean house.
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